Need
by Sweeter
Summary: I’m an addict. Yes. And its not Fai per se who’s the drug But there’s a great deal of him in the reason. More than I’d like to admit. Could be taken as romance or not. Some spoilers for Fai's past.


"Sakura-chan's sleeping," Fai says, entering the room and shutting the door behind him. "With Mokona. Want to drink something?" he asks.

"Sake," Kurogane replies definitively.

A smell.

"Can't be helped," Fai responds wearily as he recognizes it. This again.

The most delicious scent. Fine wine in a world of rust and salt and copper.

"You drink too."

_He'll never understand why._

_Why I keep offering myself to him._

_I think_

_That if he had a choice_

_I would not care and_

_I would let him waste away._

_He's got some serious issues._

It takes Fai a total of two seconds to let the smell hit his nose. He lets Kurogane's deep, harsh voice speak.

"Don't drink if you don't want to."

Kurogane twists his wrist around, letting the blood drip tantalizingly onto the floor.

And Fai lets himself think exactly what he knows Kurogane wants him to think.

"It really can't be helped, right?" he says, smiling bitterly, talking about a million different things. "Kurogane."

_He hurts me. Why?_

_I knew he'd react this way._

_I knew that he'd rather die than to reduce me to this._

_But why take it out on me when he knows_

_I'm sure he knows_

_That its what I want._

_I want that feeling he gives me._

_I need that feeling._

_Always._

Fai is grateful. He'll never tell a living soul those exact words but he's grateful. Because no matter how selfless Fai appears after all those years of letting people get hurt so that he can walk free, he's greedy. And he will always be greedy. And its not Kurogane Fai is hating, its himself. And Fai knows it.

He slips his mouth over Kurogane's wrist, letting his tongue first swipe at the cut, then covering it with his lips. As he suckles it he has to stop himself from moaning because he's never tasted anything as good as this. Anything as . . . Perfect as this.

_He somehow takes the pain away with that magic of his._

_It still hurts but not in my heart._

_I'm an addict._

_Yes._

_And its not Fai per se who's the drug_

_But there's a great deal of him in the reason._

_More than I'd like to admit._

_But it's the feeling of being needed_

_That I in turn have always needed._

_It cut me so deep when Tomoyo-hime sent me away._

_Because she did not need me._

"Have you noticed?"

It's futile to strike up a conversation and he knows it. But what's the point of letting the room and the feelings and the _blood_ suffocate them? It's a good question too.

"Yeah. We're being watched."

It's strange, Fai reflects, but perhaps it was the vampiric connection that made them so in tune with each other.

"Our opponents in chess," Fai asked, temporarily lifting his lips from Kurogane's skin to mumble the words before quickly pressing them back again. "Or maybe . . ."

"The ones who have been watching us throughout this entire journey until now?" Kurogane said through gritted teeth.

_He's stopping._

_He's slowing down._

_But he's barely _had _any!_

_He's feeling guilty. Honestly, what's wrong with this guy?_

_I know its probably not as wrong as me,_

_Seeing as I am such a freaking masochistic._

_But though it hurts_

_Nothing feels better than to have the blood pumping through my veins be recycled into his_

_Because I am apart of him now_

_And if I was to perish so would he._

_I'm sick._

_Demented._

_But I need to make an impact on someone._

_The princess loves me, sure, but never as a friend a brother a lover_

_Nor have we ever been_

_Because there is a respect we will never cross._

_The boy also respects me. _

_I taught him to fight and defend himself._

_The princess could honestly care less._

_Sure I carried her around more than one occasion but I'm just the ninja in the back row snarling at the white pork bun and the blond mage._

_The white pork bun in particular would maybe shed a few tears, but really the thing is . . . A yoyo. It'll be back on its feet in three seconds._

_But Fai._

_He depends on me the way no one else has ever._

_That is probably one of the reasons I let him feast on me whenever I get the chance._

_To know I'm still alive and that someone is alive because of me._

"Whoever they are," Fai says, lapping up the remaining blood and sealing the wound best he could with his tongue. He let go of Kurogane's arm then licked the blood of his fingers.

"I won't let them hurt us anymore."

Fai recalled Ashura and that magician and every moment . . . His brother falling down the tower, the mountain of bodies, Ashura's smile. The first time _Fai _smiled. The same smile day after day after day, and the trick happiness it gave him just because he smiled. It was all because of the master plan for some stupid wish that was never going to be granted anyway because it was impossible. It would always be but the magician was blind.

Syaoran gone. Fai's eye gone. Fai's humaneness gone. Sakura's strength, nearly gone. Any point for this journey to go on other than for it to go on and for the reasons everyone had rehearsed five hundred billion times in their heads hoping that someday they could actually believe it . . . Gone.

Why hadn't he turned tail and ran away? For hope that Fai could actually forgive him for abandoning him.

_He walks away._

_I hate him._

_He has to fucking stop this._

_He has to have realized _

_That on some level how I feel_

_For him is the exact way he feels for me._

_The connection_

_The co-dependency_

_The need._

_We're both fucked up._

_Me more so than him in some ways._

_So I watch him walk away_

_And I want to yell in face_

_I want to shout and scream and cry_

_Like a bratty six year old girl_

_Just so that he'll wipe that stupid 'I know all and I'm not liking it' expression of his face._

_Because_

_Quite frankly_

_The highs warn off_

_Just when his lips leave my skin._

"A thank you would be nice."

Fai freezes at the sound of Kurogane's voice. This was the sixth time Fai had fed and Kurogane had never once asked, no _demanded_ Fai thank him.

"For what?" he asks frostily.

"I don't care," Kurogane responds stoically, stepping forward, grabbing Fai's arm and turning him around.

"I don't want to thank you," Fai says.

"Tell me why."

"Because then I'll have to admit that I'm grateful."

"You are grateful. That I saved your life. But why don't you want to admit it?"

"Because then you'll put yourself in danger again if you think that sacrificing yourself will work."

_But I don't need to._

_I won't._

_Unless you die._

_Because I have you._

"I won't," Kurogane says.

"Still nothing will ever be the same," Fai informs him.

"It's nice to know you're not putting on that fake smile and pretending it will be."

"Why are you okay with this?"

"I'll tell you when you tell me," Kurogane shrugs and stands up.

_We need each other._

* * *

**AN:** Kinda loopy but whatever. I like it. It's my first KuroFai. Heck, its my first slash. Well, sorta slash. Slash hints. Lotsa slash hints. I mean, you can take it as a slash or not, I totally wrote Tomoyo out of the picture. Weeell she's not exactly straight either but w/e. It's also my first kinda two pov poem thingymajigger! I'm so proud!!! It's pure crap but whatever.

I'm easily pleased ^_^ REVIEW IF YOU ARE!!!


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